If you've been there before - in a relationship where the partners did have different levels of interests - you both knew it. Maybe you're even there now.
It's a subject that most partners don't talk about very often - or at least not after the first few attempts. Instead the 'silences' likely arrived. And the partners' resentments just grew.
What Happens in Most All Relationships During the initial so - called 'Lust Phase' of a new relationship - our romance brain chemicals involuntarily cause interest levels in sensuality to be heightened. There are frequent sexual/sensual activities.
Later - if the individuals remain partners - different chemicals - also made to flow involuntarily by our brains - create the 'Bonding Phase'.
Subsequently in time (time-periods vary with individual brains) - the brain chemicals cease flowing for the specific individual leading to the Relationship Phase referred to as the everlasting calm 'Afterwards' - 'till death do you part'.
Sometime during the transition as the brain chemicals of lust begin to involuntarily stop flowing - an individual comes out of their chemical induced haze - and their actual (for them) interest levels in sensuality begin to re-surface. Often the real interest levels are not similar to their partner's normal interest levels. That's when the problems start.
Then - one partner with a higher interest level can begin to feel: unwanted - neglected - frustrated. The other with a lower level may begin to feel: coercion - manipulated - also frustrated. Each starts to become unhappy. Silences become more frequent. Grief is coming.
Higher or lower levels of interest in sex/sensuality are not better or worse.
They're just different.
What To Do. First identify your own interest levels. Then compare them with your partner's interest levels. Take the online Sensuality Interest Levels SELF-EXAM. There's no right or wrong answers - only your own answers - your partner's answers.
Once sensuality areas are identified - if there really are differences in one (or more) of the three sensuality indices - rational individuals interested in preserving a relationship - can work/discuss/practice to resolve them. It's a lot better idea than anger - failed relationships - broken families - single parent kids.
It's also a very different approach than trying to deal with non-specific jumbled emotions - for example: "they didn't want to do it again last night" - or - "it's always the same ole/same ole - it's soooo boring". Those type thoughts/feelings just increase frustrations and anger.
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Sensuality Interest Levels SELF-EXAM - $5.95 for Two Individuals
It's cheaper than two orders of low-end burgers/fries/soft drinks.
LOTS cheaper than: shrinks - lawyers - divorce courts - traumatized kids.
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You Know within 10 minutes
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It's OK to enjoy Sensual Activities. And it's also OK not to enjoy Sensual Activities - or not enjoy them very much. But it's NOT OK to have mismatches among partners. That's when people start leading frustrating lives.
